Dying on Your Own Terms: Can We Really Plan Our Own Death?

The most important conversation you’re avoiding is the one that will define how you die

Talking about death won’t kill you.

And yet, we don’t like to talk about it. We don’t like to think about death. Even less so about the chaos it leaves behind.

But the reality is that preparing for the inevitable, whether through personal organisation or legal options like euthanasia, can be the ultimate act of self-determination.

Or can it?

Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash

My father thought so.

He smoked from age 16 to 65. He quit when he retired, but the damage was already done.

Nine years later, my mother, who had never touched a cigarette in her life, died of lung cancer. Second-hand smoke was likely the culprit.

As for my father, he had battled chronic bronchitis on and off for years. By 2018, it was official: COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease).

He died frail, and with rapidly developing dementia in August 2021, six days before his scheduled euthanasia. Not from lack of care and support. He just quietly gave up. He wanted to die.

He had done everything by the book. He had repeated his request several times, as required by Belgian law. He had seen the doctors. He had written the note that explicitly requested euthanasia. He had prepared.

And yet, his body, and most crucially, his mind, decided otherwise. He was ready to go, and so he went.

Euthanasia vs. Assisted Suicide: What’s the Difference?

Many people confuse euthanasia and assisted suicide, but the distinction matters. Legally, ethically, and practically.

• Euthanasia: A physician directly administers a life-ending substance to a patient who has explicitly requested it.

• Assisted Suicide: A patient self-administers a prescribed substance, typically under medical guidance but not necessarily.

Belgium, my home country, allows euthanasia but not assisted suicide. A doctor must be the one to administer the medication.

The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Canada, and Spain have similar laws.

In contrast, Switzerland and several U.S. states permit assisted suicide but prohibit euthanasia, meaning patients must end their lives themselves.

In Belgium, the euthanasia request isn’t a single decision. It’s a process. The patient must ask several times to ensure the request is persistent and well thought out.

If death is not imminent, a one-month waiting period applies between the formal written request and the actual procedure.

Some patients change their minds or postpone their final decision.

The decision takes into account the physical health of the patient as well as their mental health.

Where in the World is Euthanasia Legal?

Euthanasia and assisted suicide remain highly controversial, with only a handful of countries allowing one or both. As of 2024:

Countries Allowing Euthanasia and/or Assisted Suicide:

• Netherlands (2002)

• Belgium (2002)

• Luxembourg (2009)

• Colombia (2014)

• Canada (2016)

• Spain (2021)

• Ecuador (2024)

• Portugal (TBA)

Countries Allowing Assisted Suicide But Not Euthanasia:

• Switzerland (since 1942, under strict conditions)

• Germany (legal since 2020, but lacks formal regulations)

• United States (select states):

  • Oregon (1997)

  • Washington (2008)

  • California (2015)

  • Hawaii (2018)

  • Vermont, New Jersey, Maine, and D.C.

Countries with Partial or Regional Legalisation:

• Australia: Some states (Victoria, Western Australia, Queensland) allow voluntary assisted dying.

• New Zealand: Legalised in 2021 after a public referendum.

Personal Affairs: The Other Side of the Equation

Euthanasia is one way to control how we leave this world, but it’s only part of the equation.

Organising personal affairs ensures that our departure doesn’t leave behind confusion and distress for loved ones.

There are roadmaps and life planners out there help people toe document financial details, medical history, and end-of-life wishes.

Having a clear record prevents family members from being caught in legal, medical, or financial limbo, burdens nobody needs to carry when a loved one dies.

Take Action Today: What to Organise Before It’s Too Late

Here are actionable steps you can take right now:

1. Compile essential information:

• Full name, birthdate, nationality, emergency contacts.

• Medical history, chronic conditions, current medications, allergies.

2. Secure key documents:

• Will, power of attorney, advance directives, property deeds.

• Bank accounts, investments, pensions, insurance policies.

3. Organise digital & physical assets:

• Passwords for important accounts, digital inheritance instructions.

• Collections, artwork, real estate details, valuable possessions.

4. Plan for loved ones & pets:

• Veterinary contacts, dietary needs, rehoming preferences.

• Funeral and final wishes: Burial vs. cremation, service details, preferred readings or music.

5. Communicate your plans:

• Ensure at least one trusted person knows where everything is stored.

• Consider sharing a summary with your solicitor or family members.

When Bureaucracy Gets in the Way of Choice

Even when the law permits euthanasia, it doesn’t mean everything will go according to plan.

My father did everything required to access euthanasia and I was part of those conversations.

But as his disease progressed, his ability to make decisions faded. His mind, probably more than his body, had other plans.

Six days before his scheduled euthanasia, he passed away. That was also two days before his 82nd birthday.

He wasn’t able to have the peaceful, self-determined death he had planned from a legal perspective. But in a deeply personal way, he did. He wanted to go, and he decided to.

The system allowed him the right to choose, but nobody can control the timing.

Final Thoughts: The Illusion of Control?

We can prepare all we want. We can fill out forms, sign legal documents, and set everything in motion. But death, like life, doesn’t always follow a schedule.

So yes, plan. Get your affairs in order. Have those difficult, sometimes lunar, conversations. Make your wishes known. But also, acknowledge that your mind and body may decide differently in the end.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s part of the plan, too.

Resources

Here are several free online resources for readers interested in delving deeper into the topics of euthanasia, assisted suicide, and organising personal affairs:

1. Understanding euthanasia and assisted suicide:

• NHS Overview: The UK’s National Health Service provides a comprehensive overview of euthanasia and assisted suicide, discussing definitions, legal perspectives, and ethical considerations.

• Death with Dignity: This organisation advocates for end-of-life options and offers resources on the legal status of physician-assisted dying in various U.S. states, personal stories, and policy updates.

2. Organising Personal Affairs Before Death:

• National Institute on Aging – Getting Your Affairs in Order: This guide provides a checklist to help individuals organise personal, financial, and legal documents, ensuring that everything is in place for loved ones.

• FreeWill – End-of-Life Planning Checklist: FreeWill offers a comprehensive guide detailing the essential documents and steps for end-of-life planning, including wills, healthcare directives, and beneficiary designations.

• Age UK LifeBook: The Age UK LifeBook is a free booklet where you can write important and useful information about your life, from who insures your car to where you put the TV licence. The LifeBook helps to be more organised, but could also be invaluable to a family member or a friend if they need to find important information about in an emergency.

3. Digital Tools for End-of-Life Planning:

• My Life & Wishes: An online platform that helps individuals organize and store important documents, account information, and personal wishes to be accessed by loved ones when needed.

• Everplans: This tool assists in creating, storing, and sharing essential documents and end-of-life plans, ensuring that families have access to necessary information.

4. Ethical and Legal Discussions:

• Cambridge Textbook of Bioethics – Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide: An in-depth academic review discussing the ethical, legal, and social implications of euthanasia and assisted suicide.

• European Parliament – E-books on Assisted Dying: A curated list of e-books exploring various aspects of assisted dying, including ethical debates, legal frameworks, and personal narratives.

These resources offer valuable information for individuals seeking to understand the complexities of euthanasia and assisted suicide, as well as practical guidance on organising personal affairs to ensure peace of mind for themselves and their loved ones.

I also have resources in French and Dutch for those who might need them in those languages.